My Mother’s Letter to Sukanto Tanoto in Dec 1997

 

This is a letter written by my mother 10 weeks after my father’s air crash. After putting the four children to sleep, she started to think back everything happened after my father passed away: the sudden change of attitude and unexpected actions of my father’s most-trusted brother(such as asking my mother to give him the keys of our houses, sending employees to collect our father’s computer and documents in my father’s study room, asking my mother to sign incredibly broad power of attorney without explaining the purposes, and blocking my mother’s access to my father’s insurance money, etc.), the empty household without its master, and the four children aging from 4 to 10 that might grow up under their uncle’s pressure and bullying throughout their lives. Looking at the children’s sleeping faces, a lot of emotions and thoughts came into her mind. She couldn’t help but decided to write a letter at 11 pm.

The letter turned out to be 10 pages long. She completed at 3:31 am 13th Dec 1997 and send it to my uncle on the same day.

It’s a long letter but I try to keep it short.

“Dear Sukanto,

Please forgive me in writing this letter to you and not telling you about my fear and helplessness face to face. After the meeting with you on 16th Nov in Singapore, I feel like I’m abandoned by the Tanoto family. You stripped down all of my pride and self respect. Before the meeting, I was very proud of my husband because he died for the company. To me, he is like a general who fought for the country until the end.

However, instead of saying any comforting word, you scolded me with the harshest words and accusations, and they broke my heart into pieces. I burst into tears every time I think about the words you said. Thinking that Polar would never said such things to me…”

 

 

“… My heart sank. I was sad and hurt. I couldn’t imagine that after losing my husband, I have to deal with crisis after crisis before my tears have a chance to dry… ”

 

“… As a widow with four young children, I do not know how I’m going to handle my life ahead of me. Thinking that my husband was a well-respected man but his wife and children were poorly treated after he passed away. I am so afraid that I cannot protect my husband’s pride… ”

 

 

“… I realized when I was still mourning the death of my husband, you have taken all of our legal documents including our marriage certificates and house certificates away. You have even taken Polar’s insurance money. Brother! I do not understand why you have to do these to me. Is this how you want to treat a woman who just lost her husband? Is the rumor that have been going around town true? Brother! This is a very critical moment for my family. You are an intelligent businessman. Please do not lose your mind. Everybody is watching how you are treating your closest brother’s family. Lastly, please remember that if I can only choose between money and pride, I would choose the latter.

Best Regards,

Your Sister-in-law, Barbara Tanoto

3:31 am, 13th Dec 1997”

 

 

As a daughter, I feel very emotional about the contents.

My mother was totally overwhelmed by Sukanto’s aggressive actions and accusations. She thought this letter would help Sukanto understand her feeling and situations. But at that time, she didn’t know Sukanto would only stop if she gives up my family’s rights to him.

I could not understand why my mother had to ask for mercy from an abuser. However, Sukanto Tanoto saw this letter as a big offense toward his absolute status. He claimed that this letter was “absolutely impolite and offensive, completely hurt [his] feeling” and therefore continued his brutal actions toward my family.

Perhaps for a man who only has money in the eye would never understand the pain of a helpless widow, who decided to write a letter at 3am in the morning to her husband’s most trusted brother trying to ask for a little pity.